Thursday, June 23, 2011

Want to know what a Submarine is like?

I always get these questions when people find out I was on a submarine when I was in the Navy...

"What was it like to be on a submarine?" Imagine being on a long plane ride with your entire extended family with the windows blacked out, two movies and you run out of peanuts.

Which was followed by "What was the longest you went with out seeing the sun?" 47 days, that was under way not pulling into port. Considering my watch station I usually was able to the periscope on a monitor so I probably saw the sun once a week. I will admit that after long underways it would take my eyes a day until I could focus on object clearly past 30ft.

and Last "Is it true guys mess around on the Sub? You know 80 guys go down and 40 couple come back. Well we did used to mess around with each other mentally, but I never heard of anyone messing around sexually. Nor would I have ever disrespected my shipmates by doing so.

Here are some neat little tricks you can try to see what it's like to be on a Submarine...

I swiped this from someone who, Just swiped this from US NAVY SUBMARINERS page: 50* Suggestions for the ex-submariner that misses “the good old days on the boat”

1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Two to three hours after you fall asleep, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes , and mumble, “Sorry, wrong rack.”

2. Repeat back everything anyone says to you.

3. Spend as much time as possible indoors and avoid sunlight. Only view the world thru the peephole on your front door.

4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head to waist level. Shower one a week. Use no more than 2 gallons of water per shower.

5. Buy a trash compactor and use it once a week. Store garbage on the other side of your bathtub.

6. Sit in your car for six hours a day with your hands on the wheel and the motor running, but don’t go anywhere. Install 200 extra oil temperature gauges. Take logs on all gauges and indicators every 30 minutes.

7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to “High.”

8. Watch only unknown movies with no major stars on TV, and then only at night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then watch a different one.

9. Don’t do your wash at home. Pick the most crowded laundromat you can find.

10. (Optional for nukes and A-Div) Leave lawnmower running in your living room six hours a day for proper noise level.

11. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

12. Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.

13. Invite guests, but don’t have enough food for them.

14. Buy a broken exercise bicycle and strap it down to the floor in your kitchen.

15. Eat only food that you get out of a can or have to add water to.

16. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. Optional- cold beans and weines, canned ravioli or soup.

17. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator.

18. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can, then run to your kitchen with the garden hose wearing a scuba mask.

19. Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together. Ensure you have parts left over.

20. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking. Never wash any coffee cups.

21. Invite at least 85 people you don’t really like to come and visit for a couple of months. Limit showers to weekly for all guests. (Unless they are interested in electronics…force those guests to shower three times daily a wear a bottle of stale cologne following each bathing).

22. Store your eggs in your garage for two months and then scramble a dozen each morning.

23. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

24. Check your refrigerator compressor for “sound shorts.”

25. Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key on a lanyard around your neck.

26. Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.

27. When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top.

28. Every so often, yell “Emergency Deep,” run into the kitchen, and sweep all pots/pans/dishes off the counter onto the floor. Then, yell at your wife for not having the place “stowed for sea.”

29. Put on the headphones from your stereo (don’t plug them in). Go and stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular) “Stove manned and ready.” Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to nobody in particular) “Stove secured.” Roll up the headphone cord and put them away.

30. Tag out the steering wheel, gas pedal, brake pedal, transmission and cigarette lighter when you change the oil in your car.

31. Use kool aid on all your breakfast cereals for 2 months.

32. Fill laundry tubs with oil. Lay in them on your back and change the washers on the water spigots.

33. While doing laundry, replace liquid fabric softener with diesel fuel… savor the aroma of AMR.

34. Install more commodes in your bathroom. Serve many greasy meals and ensure the entire family goes to the bathroom together.

35. Buy bunk beds and move the whole family into the hallway of your house.

36. Just for fun, rig 700 PSI air to the bottom of all toilets. Hold a lottery to determine who gets to control the air valves.

37. Knock a glass of water out of someone’s hand and yell ‘SPILL.” Shout at them the entire time they clean it up, tell them how worthless they are, then do it again.

38. Give your wife a new pin for her dress, then punch it into her chest.

39. Ask for ‘permission to enter’ whenever you go into the kitchen.

40. At night, replace all light bulbs in the living room with red bulbs.

41. But all food in cases and line the floor with them.

42. Replace all doorways with windows so that you have to step up AND duck to go through them.

43. Rope off a small area of your living room, turn off the AC, put on a suit made of garbage bags and mill around inside the roped off area for an hour with a ziplock bag tied securely around your head.

44. Whenever someone enters a room you’re cleaning, shout “up and over” at them so they’ll go thru the attic to get to the kitchen.

45. Tell your kids to “go find me a can of “relative bearing grease.”

46. Whenever the mailman steps onto your porch, shout “Postmaster General- Arriving”so that everyone in the house can hear you.

47. Paint the windshield of your car black. Make your wife stand thru the sunroof and give you directions on where to drive. Drive thru as many big puddles as possible.

48. Have your kids stand at attention every time you enter the room and make them state quite loudly, “Attention on Deck” or “Make a Hole.”

49. Start every story with “This is a no-shitter.

50. Stay up late watching TV with your kids, drink coffee for 6hrs. Then have one the kids go wake up your wife for a piss break. She comes down and sits in your chair watching the movie and then fills on what you missed.” Then she can go back to bed.

*In the original they skipped #13.

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